A Modification of the Mind
by Crystal Volcheck
Summary: Years have passed since Zim came to Earth, but only recently has his PAK started to fail him and during those years Dib swore to protect Earth, but recently he's started to turn his back on it. Now time is starting to run out and a desperate alliance is formed. If you want to change anything, you have to change your mind, and a modification of the mind is easy. A WIP ZaDr epic.
1. Chapter 1

**This is an RP between me and my good friend LiteShocker over on deviantART where she will also be posting this story, once it's up there I'll post a link to it.**

**Fair Warning: ****This piece does contain ZaDr, but it's not necessarily as romantic as the pairing name implies, there is also no Mpreg or lemons.**

**Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to it's creator Jhonen Vasquez; we make no profit from this work of fiction.**

* * *

**A Modification of the Mind**

_**It's not our bodies that make us who we are, it's our minds. When you really think of it, our bodies are nothing more than empty shells to carry our minds and protect them. If you want to change anything, you have to change your mind, and a modification of the mind is easy. You just have to break the wall separating Pathos from Logos.**_

_**Chapter One**_

"I know you're in there, Zim!" Dib exclaimed, rapping his knuckles against the door. There were a few shuffles coming from inside the base, and the raven-haired boy simply huffed. The gnomes were not yet reacting- there was still time. The noises became clearer and clearer, and only then did he realize that GIR had left the window open. Again.

He peeked in to see the robot sipping through a cup harshly- banging his head and humming a dastardly tune. There was something adorable about the little thing, but he worked for Zim so unfortunately the defective SIR unit too, was the enemy.

"GIR!" Dib whispered. The noises continued. He was oblivious to his presence.

"Taquitos...My...my taquitos!"

GIR had rushed off into another room, screaming and wailing about burnt food.

Perfect.

With still no Zim in sight, as he was surprised to find out, he cautiously lifted his lanky body over the open windowpane, it was a bit more difficult than he remembered it being years ago and was careful not to get his trench coat stuck on anything in particular.

He soon became focused on moving through the Irken's base, just waiting to set off some type of security protocol that he didn't notice the fluctuating sounds and movement coming from the lab below where Zim was nearly growling in frustration.

The invader continued to mumble half curses in his native tongue, vowing to rewire the computer when he got a chance. He needed to be prepared for anything in the coming months. Gloved hands flew across keyboards and magenta eyes poured over rows and rows of numbers and code.

According to the last data scan of his PAK, the high levels of exposure to the extremely toxic substances of Earth had begun to affect his body chemistry. The second scan would take longer for it was still unclear what the possible outcomes could be, at the worst his body would begin to break down and deteriorate, at best it would mutant his cells to the point of near invincibility.

"The Dib-stink would be most pleased to know that the mighty Zim has fallen to an ill situation." As the words left Zim's mouth, another thought came to mind. If his cells were to deteriorate then his game of cat and mouse would be over and he would never taste victory. Even if the best outcome occurred, as the great Zim he would have to end his game with the worm-child sooner than he wanted as well. A thin snake-like tongue swept against thin pale emerald lips in thought; no matter the result, he would have to plan carefully.

It wasn't until Dib heard his enemy's maniacal laughter bellowing from bellow that he knew what his exact destination was. Dib had managed to find his way to the lab, using the help of tubes and various other equipment to journey downwards into the alien's 'secured' base.

It was strangely warm in here, although he had never considered much about the temperature. Honey colored eyes gazed among the Irken technology from afar and, to be honest, it amazed him. How much more advanced his rival was. What he was capable of. It was a shame he was too incompetent to think, to put any of it to good use. Nevertheless, it scared him slightly, to think of a real fight emerging.

"You have a lot to learn, Zim," Dib thought aloud devilishly, and as he realized he had been spotted his body tensed up immensely, and his feet were frozen to the floor. Too loud. One day he would learn to stop talking to himself.

"It seems a filthy Earth-maggot has found its way into my base." Zim spoke sounding far to calm as turned away from the computer and extended his PAK legs. "What are you doing here? Have you come to collect evidence of my existence?"

A heavy silence followed as Zim circled his nemesis; this was his favorite part the ever so slight shadow of fear in those honey eyes, covered by a roaring defiance. It was strange how different Dib was from the other worms on this planet, he was far more superior compared to the others, but not so superior as to be a threat to the Irken race.

Dib couldn't help but do more than grin, narrowing his eyes as he stared down his nemesis above him. "Why else would I be here?" He dropped down to the Irken's level and gradually picked himself up from his knees, the fear diverted from his eyes, now standing to his full height of 6'2". You could congratulate his father for blessing him with such. Still, threatening vibes and tension could be cut with a knife. Ruby eyes looked over him, albeit menacingly. "What are you up to, Zim?"

"Just world domination, same as always."

"There's something wrong... Something... you're not telling me..." Dib's voice drifted off in slight concern. Despite the power-hungry face of his rival, if you knew him as well as he did and studied his pupil less eyes close enough you could spot increasing weakness. See the way his thin, sharp body frame didn't hold up the way it usually did. Even the usual smirk on the Irken's face seemed forced to a degree.

"How dare you insinuate that something is wrong with the all-powerful Zim!" The Irken's face twisted in rage, eyes narrowing sharply. For a moment, he wondered if Dib had overheard him, after all he wasn't entirely certain just how long he had been there. One day he would scrap that useless SIR unit or at rewrite it along with the computer.

Dib swallowed trying to regain his composure; he shouldn't be showing any worry for the green-skinned alien. Zim was his enemy; he should be exploiting any weakness he could find. "You can't hide anything from me Zim, you're far too incompetent. You're just lucky everyone else on this planet is a moron or else your guts would be all over an autopsy—"

"Silence!" Dib was cut off, a hand suddenly around his throat squeezing tightly enough for him to feel the Irken's claws digging into his skin even through the black gloves. Only unlike other times he felt no real danger, the same strength wasn't there. Zim was considerably weaker than normal, he could still probably give a good fight, but not without receiving some serious injury. Emerald hands moved down to grip bony shoulders, and the alien growled. Sinking glares shared between the two, seconds passed before either spoke.

"...Normally, I would be more than willing to pull my strength in battle," Dib said slowly as he lifted his head, "But not this time. This time, I believe, is a waste of time." He fixed his trench coat, brushing against the floor as he slid from Zim's grasp, rubbing his neck certain that bruises would be starting to form. "You're a fool for thinking I can't see it." His voice was unnaturally calm, no hint of raging emotion. His gaze simply rested in the corner of a room, staring at nothing in particular. Pulling at the side of his glasses, he took them off, revealing striking amber eyes. They glowed even more so in the dark. Little black hairs flowed gently in front of his face.

Looking at the computer to the left, his eyes moving quickly as if scanning the codes and a language he hardly knew. Dib smirked, emitting more annoyance from his enemy as his grimace told him, 'guess-who-has-the-upper-hand?' He turned his attention back to Zim, a little surprised that the alien hadn't said anything yet.

"You can fight me but we all know you'll be on the ground, begging for your arms not to turn to dust," he snarked suddenly, but he was taken aback when tall, heavy platform boots took a few too many stomps towards him. Zim wore these simply because of his forever lack of height. He didn't use to, but once they both reach the end of middle-skool and the Dib-stink grew more than he ever had throughout their years together he realized this 'whole, height-thing' simply wouldn't do. They made him almost about a foot taller, but Dib still towered over him unless the help of his PAK legs.

Zim paused taking in what the Dib-human had said, it wasn't like him to back down and for the Irken it left him with a sense of relief. There wasn't any way that he could take Dib on in his current state and he would be stupid to try. What was more irritating was the sudden concern his enemy was showing for him.

"What makes you so sure of that?" He finally spat extending one PAK leg so it was poised above Dib's jugular vein. "I could kill you even now."

"Then why don't you?" Dib asked feeling confident, Zim had said the same thing many times before, but the alien never took the opportunity or really had an open opportunity. His question must have thrown Zim off judging by the brief look of surprise that crossed ruby eyes, he had never asked him that, he had always been too busy fighting to actually do so no matter how many times he had thought it. "I know that you could, I've always known. It would be so easy to get rid of me, yet you don't."

A sudden flash of red on the computer caught Zim's attention; the data scan had reached a conclusion. He glanced at Dib quickly, retracting the PAK leg and moving over to the screen. Trying not to react to the way he could feel the human's eyes on him.

As he rushed over to the computer Dib wished that he had spent more time trying to decode the Irken alphabet as he watched Zim's shoulders tense from the corner of his eye and heard a string harsh of clicks leave the other's mouth.

_'Maybe I don't kill you because there's more going on in my thoughts than you will ever understand,'_ Zim thought to himself silently, eyes widening in curiosity and fear. Before he even finished the long, processed code, his body was becoming weaker by the second and all his weight began to shift on the taller boy next to him, vision blurring and mumbling broken sentences in his native tongue.

"...Zim? Zim! If this is some sort of _joke_ it's not funny!" He caught the fallen invader in his arms, "Dammit, Space-boy..."

They both hated physical contact to say the least, but Zim was obviously too distraught at the moment to care and Dib felt like if he didn't help in some way he would regret it in the end.

"T-Take me...to..." Zim was desperately trying to pull the gloves off his hands growing too hot, energy draining.

"Your leader?" Dib joked, grinning as if to lighten the mood. The alien growled slightly, pointing a claw towards another direction. Whipping his head around Dib saw what was labeled, "exit." A door he hadn't seen before but obviously carried much importance. It was tall and black and the only thing that didn't keep it from blending it with its surroundings was the slight pink glow emitting from a tiny, square window.

Dib ran, limping as he carried his rival in his lanky arms. For a fragile, small alien he sure was heavier than he looked...

Kicking the door down Dib took a second to look around the room. In the middle, a bed, it was dark pink, and glowing much as the rest of the room was. The ceiling was covered in painted stars, illuminating the black as if to imitate space itself. Did Zim come in here when he was homesick?

A blue mist secreted the floor, but something told him it was harmless and he placed Zim on the small bed, almost simply dropping him. He relaxed his shoulders in relief from the weight, stepping away some to study what became of a vulnerable alien. Saw the way his chest up and fell in rhythm with each careful breath he took and the only noise were of the little movement he made that assured Dib that he was at least alive. Zim's face suddenly turned to look at him, eyes half-closed and almost pleading.

"Don't take this as a way that you've somehow _won_," he began softly, "because you haven't. Zim is fine. Zim is...always...fine..."_Fine for over 150 years..._he thought as his world soon turned black.

Dib was scared, he didn't want to admit it but he was pretty much terrified. He had never seen Zim look so bad before, not even after their worst fights and to watch the green-skinned boy unravel so quickly had his stomach in knots.

A dark flush colored Zim's hollow cheeks and small tremors ran through the small Irken's thin body. Without realizing it Dib had placed his hand over one of Zim's, his skin was warm and clammy feeling, nothing like the sharp coldness that Zim normally put off. It took a few minutes for him to pull away. He had never noticed how long and bony the Irken's fingers were or that there was an extra knuckle in what could be considered the thumb or that his claws were actually a very dark pinkish-red that turned to black at the tip and not curved as he had once thought.

"What the hell is going on with me?" Dib asked himself moving for the door, but found himself reluctant to leave. Zim could be dying for all he knew, but then again Zim was the enemy, he wanted to destroy Earth. Dib knew he should just walk away or take the opportunity to either kill Zim or call the other Swollen Eyeball members. Yet, a part of him knew he was better than that and he found his way down to the living room where Gir was still screaming about taquitos; looking between the couch and the door for a moment Dib weighed his options before finally taking the couch. After a few hours of sleep, he'd go and check on Zim, it's not as if anyone would actually miss him.


	2. Chapter 2

**This is an RP between me and my good friend LiteShocker over on deviantART where she will also be posting this story, once it's up there I'll post a link to it.**

**Fair Warning: ****This piece does contain ZaDr, but it's not necessarily as romantic as the pairing name implies, there is also no Mpreg or lemons.**

**Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to it's creator Jhonen Vasquez; we make no profit from this work of fiction.**

* * *

**A Modification of the Mind**

_**Pathos is emotion and Logos is logic, one can not exist without the other and one can not rule over the other. It is with Pathos we find our passion, our reason, our purpose. It is with Logos that we execute that passion, that reason, that purpose. To reach fu****ll potential we must allow both to exist in our minds as one, we must bypass the circuits that takes Pathos to the heart and connect them to the mind where Logos resides.**_

___**Chapter Two**_

Zim stirred groggy and confused as to what had happened (he knew where he was- he came here all the time. It was his own personal escape) he lifted himself up and his squeedilyspooch dropped in disappointment as he realized he was alone. He remembered seeing slick black hair, and faintly, the smell of candles and human drinks that he knew well enough that if too much in their stupid bodies- caused them to act 'intoxicated.'

He slid the tips of his claws over a thin, smooth surface of exposed sickly green skin, it went from deep emerald to a pasty shade. "Everything...hurts..." he thought aloud, rubbing his temples and lying down once again- looking up at the stars and imagining that he was back home. With his own kind, eating the food he grew up loving and surrounded by things that comforted him. He found no comfort here. Not on Earth. Especially not with that Dib-thing always in the way of his chances to finally be...one of _them_. Recognized, loved by all.

Plans. Schemes. Those were all he ever thought about up until recently, when suddenly...The Dib-monkey was all he thought about.

Soft porcelain skin, beaming gold eyes, and the way he would give off a rare half-smile... If he had a heart, it would be melting every time he saw him.

Wait.

No.

No! This wasn't right! This wasn't part of the plan!

He was supposed to be emotionless only feeling pride for the Irken Empire and a blood lust that allowed him to be willing to tear anyone who got in his way limb from limb! Not have these sicky _feelings_ that he was always told only humans should have! Only one thing could be causing this, but it couldn't be possible. There no way he could be a defect.

He just couldn't be...defects were frowned upon; killed. He wasn't a defect or he wouldn't have been chosen to be an invader.

The results! He had to get to them, he needed to see what had registered on his PAK. There was no possible way he was a defect. As he scrambled to get out of bed and stand his entire body erupted in pain and white spots flashed in his vision. His world flipped and he found himself collapsing once more, another string of Irken curses falling from his lips loud enough to carry through the base. Dib jumped at the break of silence, Gir had fallen quiet some time ago, too engrossed in a bacon cheddar smoothie. Which had to mean that Zim was awake, he rushed to the room hoping to catch the Irken before he did anything stupid. Which upon reaching the room he found he was too late.

"For the love of…"Dib didn't finish, going to Zim on instinct. He reached out to help the smaller male back to bed , just barely brushing the Irken's arm with his fingertips when Zim lashed out at him violently scratching himself in the process, a translucent pink liquid starting to ooze from the wounds and seep into Zim's uniform.

"Don't touch me!" Zim was doubled over now, shaking. There was no way he was going to let Dib get any closer to him.

"I'm trying to help you, goddammit!" Dib exclaimed making another move catching the invader's sleeve, accidentally tearing the thin salmon-colored fabric.

"NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" the alien screamed, toppling from Dib's arms, to the floor in half a second. "Stop... Stop everything. I don't need a human's help. Especially yours." He pointed a shaky claw weakly at the taller boy's chest. It slammed to the ground, and ruby eyes could only stare blankly at the buckles and spikes on Dib's tall boots. They went about to his knees, which by the way looked ready to meet ends with the blue mist.

"I need medicine," Zim suddenly spoke after what seemed like years of awkward silence. "I can get it myself."

Wobbling, he was already tired. "And the PAK results... GIR! Bring me the results!" His throat began to scratch, sore and raw.

The SIR unit appeared eyes glowing red giving a 'Yes, Master!' before disappearing and leaving the two boys alone once more.

"What's going on Zim? And why the hell won't you let me help you?" Dib swallowed thickly his voice wavering ever so slightly as he continued to lose his composure. He had to have entered a Twilight Zone or something; seeing Zim look so broken and defeated affecting him in ways it shouldn't affect him.

"I- I don't know." The Irken finally spoke after a few moments of silence. "I don't know what's going on, not yet." It wasn't a total lie, but it wasn't quite the truth. He was defecting, if he hadn't been one before and his body was showing signs of deterioration. "And why do you even want to help me?"

Defecting... This couldn't be happening. It wasn't real.  
He wanted to vomit and bleed and pound his fists into the core of this terrible planet that caused him so much pain. And yet... along the pages of wavering lines he saw something he couldn't quite describe. Something different.

"I want to help you... because...because..." Dib knew why. He knew his motives and the motives behind those motives. Dib was in love with his enemy. Deeply, insanely in love, but Dib could never reveal that.

"Answer me you inferior worm child." Zim's sudden harsh tone startled him and he felt his throat go dry, when had Zim pulled his shirt off? As the blood trickled down Zim's now bare chest he wondered what else he could do. What else he could see... Aching to press his lips against broken flesh and dig his fingernails into Zim's back as he squirmed under him, hot breath hitting his face. He was quick to shake those thoughts instead approaching Zim in a different manner.

"Don't be angry at me... You're too angry all the time." His voice was calm and soothing and he knew he had surprised Zim, whose antenna were sticking straight up in surprise even if his face was still set stone cold. "I don't... I don't know why I want to help you, Zim. But something tells me I should."

"You humans and your corn-brains are so confusing."

"Please Zim, just let me help you, my victory over you won't mean anything thing if I don't get a real fight out of you." It was a thin excuse; he couldn't imagine ever fighting the Irken again, not after seeing him like this. Besides he could see that Zim was still weak from, whatever had happened.

"Fine." Zim was growing too weak to argue his thoughts getting cloudy and the taste of blood was on his tongue. Even as he swayed unsteady on his feet he tried not to flinch as Dib helped him to sit on the bed without falling. "Computer, give Dib access to the medical wing."

"Access to medical wing has been given to Dib Membrane." the smooth tones of the computer filled the room.

"Go to the Lab, there should be a door open on the left of the computer, once you're there head straight back to the far wall. There will be a shelf full of bottles filled with pink liquid, grab one you can and get your ass back here." A round of coughs tore through Zim's small frame. "I still don't trust you."

Dib nodded, heart in his throat as he rushed to follow Zim's orders. He just hoped that the Irken would be fine alone until he got back.

Zim watched the tail end of Dib's trench coat flutter as he ran out the door his eyes growing heavy. Maybe he should rest a bit, conserve energy, before he knew it his vision went black.

"Zim?"

Zim's eyes shot open.

"Eh?"

"I brought you your...medicine..." It didn't quite look like medicine. It was gooey and thick and watery at the top.  
Zim took it from him slowly, raising an antenna in question. His expression clearly saying _don't-you-dare-try-anything-with-me._ He smelled it, before gingerly taking it into the palms of his hands and raising it to his lips. Dib watched it slide down his throat and averted himself in disgust.

A crackling sound was made present, and Zim threw the now empty it to the ground and wiped his mouth grudgingly, before slamming his body against the bed to relax, once more he heard the door close. Dib had left.

The alien looked over at the large mirror he had on the wall behind him. It was mostly for decoration purposes... But... As he looked closer he realized his eyes were no longer tired-looking and as he examined his torso, the tips of his fingers grazing along it. It was...defined. Muscled. Zim whipped his head around when he began hearing voices from afar. Very afar.

He never recalled being able to hear this sharp.

It was Dib's voice.

He was talking to Gir.

"And then Master told me all this stuff about how he sometimes wants to hold your little fleshy hands!" the robot chirped happily, allowing Dib to know every. single. thing the weak, affectionate side of him stirred up into a conversation he'd only ever had with Gir. Rambling absentminded while he worked on new inventions.

A growl sounded low in his throat, he should have destroyed that SIR unit years ago. He stood, surprised to find that he was several inches taller, not quite on par with Dib, but close to being taller than the Tallest even if he took his platform boots off.

"Gir!" Several seconds passed and the little robot showed no signs of arriving any time soon. "Never mind, my strength is back. I might as well go the Lab myself and get those results." He looked at his bare torso and then the torn shirt in disgust; he couldn't believe that he had actually accepted help from the big-headed human.

Dib had heard Zim's call, but he had gotten stopped by the SIR unit, taken back by what it was telling him. Did Zim actually have feelings towards him? Did the alien actually have a heart or was it his squeedilyspooch or whatever? He pushed the small robot aside and hurried to Zim's room not sure what he was even thinking.

"Zim—" the words died in his throat, eyes running over the Irken's lean bare torso, taking in every dip and pull of muscle underneath flawless green skin.

"Dib-shit! Stop looking at ZIM! He demands it!"

The raven haired boy could feel his cheeks heating up, eyes staring silently- examining what was before him. In all these years Dib couldn't remember a time where the alien looked more built than he was. Then again, he was never built much at all.

Just then, a sly grin tugged at his enemy's lips, revealing malevolent teeth and he wrapped his hands around Dib's waist, sinking his claws into his backside. Head perked up slightly, and a whisper against his anxious rival's ear, "_Or did you come here to __**marvel?**__ To bask in the greatness that is __**ZIM!**__"_

Black tips contrasted with the blue of Dib's shirt as it snaked up his torso. "Fight me," he simply said after a few moments. His tone was innocent and it was like he was asking for ice cream rather than a few dropkicks to the stomach. "Did you not come here to fight Zim, after all?" His head cocked to the side, the depth of his eyes deeper than any human's as they widened in curiosity.

"Of course it'll be sad to see you in a puddle of your own blood...Ahaha! Not really. Zim jests."  
Gloveless hands rested on his hips and took a few steps away from the human. "Of course, I think...This battle...Should have something more placed upon it. What do you call it in this language of yours? A 'bet?'"

Dib's keekers snapped open to justify. "What could be much heavier to fight for than your own planet?"

"If you lose...Zim wishes... to possess you."


	3. Chapter 3

**This is an RP between me and my good friend LiteShocker over on deviantART where she will also be posting this story, once it's up there I'll post a link to it.**

**Fair Warning: ****This piece does contain ZaDr, but it's not necessarily as romantic as the pairing name implies, there is also no Mpreg or lemons.**

**Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to it's creator Jhonen Vasquez; we make no profit from this work of fiction.**

* * *

**A Modification of the Mind**

_**The mind is weak, it can easily be broken and rebuilt. The longer you hear something, the more you start to believe it. The trick is believing what you're feeling and accepting that as an unshakable truth.**_

_**Chapter Three**_

"Why would you want to possess me?"

"I'll need a pet after I take over this dirt ball of a planet." Zim shrugged before another thought crossed his mind. He did love seeing the human blush, it was a tell-tale sign of just how weak Dib was. "Of course you'd also make a useful vessel for eggs; smeets are healthiest when they eat their host alive from the inside. I never had the honor, on planet Irk everything is systematic."

"What would happen if I were to win?" Dib tried to brush off the smeet comment silently calling Zim's bluff, the Irken race couldn't be that parasitic, though maybe that disgusting. "Could you guarantee Earth's safety from the Irken Armada?"

Zim's antenna flicked forward in surprise, it was obvious that the Irken wasn't entirely sure what to say. A moment passed before he finally replied.

"No, I couldn't."

"Then why should I fight you?"

Zim licked his lips thoughtfully, sitting down only to cross his legs and lay his head in his hand. He looked at Dib with a psychotic gleam in his eye. "Show me...who you really are. No jokes, no worthless tantrums, sighs of disgrace. I want to know Dib Membrane, from the inside and out." Voice hushed and almost...deadly. That was the first time Zim had ever said his real name. No lousy insults added. "Besides, the Dib _wants_ to be Zim's, do you not?"

"I don't believe you know what you're talking about." Dib was watching closely for any sudden movement. Zim had gotten up from his feet, and the two circled each other slowly.

"Don't think I don't notice. The way you stare at Zim from across the table in lunch...in class...The way you've been holding back. Each yelp I make makes you more and more weak...It's delicious, really...That, if I... was to pretend my pain was real, that you would dare begin to take _pity_ on me..." Zim tsked, "You, of all people, should know better than to underestimate me."

Dib swallowed thickly, heart pounding wildly in his chest as he fought to remain calm.

"Then I want to know you, it's only fair. I expect you to tell me the truth, no more lies, about anything." Zim's eyes narrowed ever so slightly, before a slight smirk pulled at the corner of his thin emerald lips.

"You're wasted here on Earth; in fact you would make a most excellent ally." That's when Dib finally noticed the odd shifts in Zim's behavior, the other boy had always been erratic, but emotionally consistent. Which now that he thought about it Zim had never really displayed that much emotion, those large ruby eyes always filled with anger or hatred, or simply impassive "You see, a guy like me...knows how to work around the rules of every game. Every bleak corner of devastation that you're too fucking _blind _to see." Zim raised his voice at the last word, slamming his fist to the wall behind him as he spoke, "You rot here. You rot here and you watch them drag your flesh across the pavement, expecting praise when the war is over. And you know what? The war will never be over. Not for you."

"...What do you mean?"

"I _mean_," he licked his lips again, shaking his head in frustration, "Where will you really be, say you overpower me? You exploit me. I'll be on the autopsy table...and perhaps, 'maybe you aren't so crazy after all' they said. But guess what? In the end, you'll be one of them. You will be just another blend-in with those morons that make up humanity as we know it. You've saved them but for what?"

Dib wanted to shut off his senses, and his knees buckled as he fell to the pale-white floor. Zim's words were like venom in his ears and they echoed in his mind over and over and over and over again. The Irken had managed to hit his deepest fears.

"Deep down, we both know even if _I_ don't manage to destroy the Earth, you humans will destroy yourselves."

The soft wisp of air nipped at his cheek as the alien brushed by him as he lay, vulnerable. "Rethink, Dib-worm, what you're doing with your life."

Zim smiled at his handy work, he'd let the Dib-beast stew for a while, perhaps he could make some progress with a few inventions. After he checked the reports Gir was supposed to bring him, this sudden desire to claim Dib as his own was annoying. He shouldn't be feeling anything for the earth child; the trip to the lab was short and he made himself comfortable as he opened the new data set.

"No, that can't be right." Zim's eyes widened as he scrolled even faster through the data, according to his PAK he had always been a defect and that the contact to toxic Earth substances was causing rapid cell decay and regrowth. It would cycle anytime he came in contact with a toxic substance, until one process over ran the other killing him. That certainly put a wrench in in his plans, there had to be a way to stabilize the cycle and being a defect meant he could contact the Tallest for help.

_'Zim was... right...I really am just a...a failure...a nuisance. Worthless. Trying to save a world that doesn't even deserve to be saved from his clutches...I just thought...maybe...If I tried hard enough...'_  
His face buried in the floor, tears threatening to stream down his face as his furiously wiped them with the sleeve of his coat. There was no way he would fall prey to Zim's coming advances.

Meanwhile, in the lab Zim tapped away, coding into the Tallests' transmission signal.

No answer.

He called again.

And again.

And again until his throat was ruptured from all the screaming and the tips of his fingers hurt from dialing what felt like a million times.

Why didn't they answer him? He was an invader, afterall!

It was like he was...invisible...It was like they hated him...

Dib looked up from the shouting, tip-toeing into where his rival was held, and raised a dark eyebrow when he saw Zim hunched over the computer, his chest a rising and falling as he took slow, deep breaths. Angry breaths.

"Zim?" He called softly forgetting all previous thought of not letting Zim get the upper hand on him. He hated the feelings the Irken stirred in him. That's when he noticed the open data on the computer, several sections highlighted in red. Zim had gotten the chance to analyze his results after all and it didn't look to be good news.

"What could you possibly want Dib-beast?" Zim turned on him quickly, wiping at his face. For a moment Dib wondered if the other male had been crying or whatever the Irken equivalent of crying was.

"I just want to know if you're okay and to tell you that you were right." He wasn't sure what had caused him to say the last part, but the sudden jerk in Zim's antenna told him he had his full attention. "You were right about me, about Earth. I don't know why I even tried for so long."

"You wish to be allies with Zim, Earth-monkey?" The soft, defeated sounds obvious in Dib's voice stirred many emotions and many, many thoughts. "Zim is quite the persuader, eh?"  
His posture straightened into a confident form, walking towards the honey-eyed boy and only stopping once he was only a couple inches away from his lips.

His serpentine tongue slithered gratifyingly, looking up and down the beaten teenager. "Mmm...You are...attractive...when your guard is down..." His claws wrapped around to grip Dib's collar, so that they were eye-level. "Took you long enough." Zim's tone returned back to sounding as if he was annoyed, shoving the human away.

"Tell me, Dib-beast, what changed your mind so drastically?" He cocked his head to the side once more, grinning toothily.

"I realized...after everything you said...Well, maybe...It's not so bad if..." He trailed off, eyes half-lidded as he peered down at the floor. "...Zim. You're okay, aren't you?"

"Zim is always okay! Zim is strong, oh what a mighty soldier he is!"

And how obvious he was faking everything.

"Look Zim, if I'm going to be your ally then you're going to have to tell me the truth. I know when you're faking, you go from being an evil competent mastermind to an over dramatic diva with no voice control or concept of grammar." Dib reached out grabbing Zim's hand, unsurprised by the hiss that escaped Zim's lips followed by a few clicks. "Please, Zim. I'm begging you, tell me the truth because I know you're not okay."

"Computer translate the results of my PAK scan." The text on the screen shifted and Dib dropped Zim's hand moving to read what the file said. As he scanned the words, half that he didn't understand, his stomach dropped at the half he did.

"What is this?"

"Depends. It could be the key to my fate, oooorrr something else entirely." He smirked, suddenly careless. "Why do you care?"

"Depends," Dib retorted.

"On what?"

"What you want to hear."

"What do you think?"

"I think we need to set aside our childish issues before we can completely come to terms with what's really at stake here." The words caused Zim to shift his boots in nervousness. He wasn't use to being confronted like this. Usually whatever he said was ignored by another useless insult or plea.

A string of clicks, and Zim suddenly wanted to flee.

"You're still holding Zim's hand, Dib-shit. Your putrid touchy-ness is beginning to burn me."

"Deal with it, Spaceboy. Because I'm not letting go until I'm able to get inside your head."

Zim lifted his free hand towards his mouth, gasping. "You mean you want to poke through Zim's jello insides?"

"No, that's not what I meant." Dib shook his head; he thought Zim was bad on a normal day these sudden mood swings were getting on his nerves. "What exactly does it mean that you're a Defect?" Zim went very still, his squeedilyspooch twisting nervously.

"I'd have to explain Irken development first."

"Then explain it." There was a slight shine of fear in Zim's eyes and Dib stroked the back of the alien's hand his thumb. "We're allies now Zim, you can trust me."

"On Irk, smeets are created in synthetic eggs in order to program them easier. Once a smeet has developed and hatched a PAK is attached, allowing the smeet to begin life with all the knowledge and skills needed to survive."

"So that thing on your back is everything that makes you, you?"

"Essentially, it blocks out emotion for on Irk it is seen as a weakness, with the PAK we can function in top performance for whatever task we are suited for. However, not all PAKs function properly, allowing Defects to exist. In a defect the Irken begins to feel emotion, I should be able to contact the Tallest to get a replacement PAK…but…"Zim froze up, anger flooding his body.

Zim jerked his hand away, letting out an inhuman growl from deep in his throat, eyes narrowing as he bowed his head slightly to glare at Dib's wide, innocent pupils. Continuing to do this he brought the tip of his claw to gently scrape over the boy's cheek, as if it was a knife waiting to be dug into his flesh. Zim ground his sharp teeth, rage burning in huge, ruby eyes. He looked absolutely ready to break. "Don't start this with me!" His voice was raspy and demanding, "Don't think...Don't think that we...that we will ever be equals. Because that's not what this is. This is you BOWING to me. Giving up everything you've ever known to serve me. I don't want your pity. Your fucking human, sympathetic ways sicken me. As if I wasn't already sick to begin with."

A dry laugh escaped him, shaking his head furiously.

It was all too much he wanted to scream, cry, tear at his flesh until he was bleeding, but Dib was taking everything in stride.

"If you don't want my pity, then I won't give you any of it. If you see this as me bowing to you, then I'll bow to you right now." Dib's voice was shaking, he could only half believe the words coming out of his mouth. "If we are bound together, then so be it, but let's be bound on our own terms." Why didn't Zim understand that he had practically surrendered Earth to help him? That he couldn't care if his race was destroyed, that the Irken had changed everything, and that he was all that mattered right now.

"Let's make this a fun game, then." He grinned wickedly, "How do...humans...show their binding, Dib-thing? Considering this is at permanent costs..."

Dib eyed him cautiously. "...Marriage, mostly...But I don't think we could ever do _that_..."

Zim's antenna perked up, curious. "What is this...marriage?"

"It's when two people...Who are usually, in love..." He swallowed thickly, "And, uh...They. They have a...ceremony. And there's kissing and then they're together...but sometimes not forever.."

"What? Why, are their sides not stitched together? Wrists roped?"

Dib sighed, because it was never easy explaining Earthly rituals to someone who came from a foreign, uncivilized race. He stroked Zim's cheek, "The binding doesn't have to be permanent, that's the thing...But if two people care for each other enough then, they'll make it last as long as they can."

Zim scratched his angled chin in thought, "...Does Dib-stink care about Zim?"

Dib bit his lip hesitating, those ruby eyes were examining him carefully, shining with curiosity.

"Yes, I care about you Zim, more than I should."

"Interesting, it certainly explains todays turn of events." The Irken smirked before continuing, "On Irk we have something similar to your filthy Earth marriage, or at least we used to. Once you found a mate you marked them with your personal insignia, which was typically your name arranged into a pattern. Followed by a blood exchange ritual, both are said to be horribly painful." Blush spread across the human's face as Zim leaned closer, emerald lips nearly brushing Dib's skin. "And yet frightfully intimate. If only you could see how weak you are."

Dib breathed out in relief as Zim drew away with a dark chuckle, a thought struck him and he let his own laugh escape.

"You're just as weak as me then, Spaceboy. Don't think I haven't noticed."

"Of course my energy is drained at the present moment! Zim has been through... a lot, today. A very, great large amount of lot." The Irken sighed, eyes half-lidded and perked when a thought came to his mind.

The alien toyed with his new-found ally's hair, chirping in delight. Getting closer, their chests pressed together and Dib's face flushed from the sudden intimacy. "Dib-worm would like to say something, yes? Something he has been keeping? Zim feels it...in his squeedilyspooch."


	4. Chapter 4

**This is an RP between me and my crazy talented and good friend LiteShocker who without her, this story wouldn't exist, I highly recommend checking out her profile and leaving some feedback over on her deviantART **

**Fair Warning: ****This piece does contain ZaDr, but it's not necessarily as romantic as the pairing name implies, there is also no Mpreg or lemons.**

**Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to it's creator Jhonen Vasquez; we make no profit from this work of fiction.**

* * *

**A Modification of the Mind**

_**The truth hurts, it can easily make or break a person, the truth is so powerful that both Pathos and Logos consider it a threat. The fastest way to break the mind is to tell the truth. It's far easier to lie, you're safer when you lie, but safe is only an illusion. To be safe is a lie.**_

_**Chapter Four**_

Dib skid his soles lightly, the floor squeaky underneath his boots. This was it. It had to be it. He realized that he had been waiting all these years, to come terms with the fact that his feelings for the green-skinned teen were only going to develop even more. At least this way, if he died, he would die knowing what was done was done.

"Zim, there's something I think I should tell you. Even though it might impact our... bond... It needs to be said. I... I... I love you, Zim!"

That certainly hadn't been quite what the Irken was expecting, his antenna standing straight up and already wide eyes seeming to widen further. A warm spread through Zim at the words and his face seemed to soften for a moment. So Dib had truly been concerned all those times he didn't show up to school or had a plan literally blow up in his face.

"Aw, how…cute, the Earth-worm has fallen in love with his superior. Eh, what an ugly word love is, though you are right this will impact our bond tremendously. As long as you are so sure that you are that willing to bind yourself to me."

"I'm am, but that's it. I tell you my true feelings and you don't even care?" In all honesty he hadn't really been expecting anything in return, but it still stung to not have his feelings outright returned.

"On the contrary." Zim leaned even closer his lips just barely brushing Dib's in what couldn't exactly be called a kiss and let out several soft clicks that sounded closer to a purr before pulling away. "You can see yourself out and we can talk more about the details of the bond tomorrow."

Dib's legs, though numb, had escorted themselves out and as he came to his own house (It wasn't very far- about a block or so) he opened the door slowly, and in the 85 degree weather the air-conditioned home was like heaven on his skin.

As always, nobody was home.

He tip-toed through the halls and into the kitchen, and as he scavenged through the cupboards for something to eat- he hadn't eat in days- the only thing he could find was a packet to mango flavored gelatin. He prepared it, of course, as jello was about one of the _only _things he could make without burning down the house. The TV was the only sound emitting throughout the walls, and he could guess that Gaz had put a horror movie on before she left to where-the-hell-ever.

After he was done he lazily pulled himself up the stairs towards his bedroom. There was no light, as usual. Except maybe the blinking lights to abandoned paranormal projects and posters of his favorite movies that glowed in the dark. Plopping himself on his bed he raised up one sleeve, staring blankly at the scars that plagued his flesh the past four years.

He was obsessed with time; calculating hours and minutes and years and seconds as to how long ago he'd first started breaking.

Grabbing a blade from the nightstand, he slit the very top surface of his skin, forming a line down his elbow to his wrist. What became as a freedom soon morphed into a sick addiction that made him want to vomit at the thought that someone like him would resort to doing something like this.

But what other choices did he have? He had no one...he couldn't even count Zim really. Zim couldn't...feel. Couldn't understand. The alien was why he was up here, lying on what might as well be his grave and playing his own overwrought version of Russian-roulette with Death.

He dug the blade deeper, numbing himself as he looked up to bore at the sea foam colored ceiling. If he could he would cry but he knew, for him, tears weren't possible anymore. He was all cried out.

The knife slid from his palm and onto the dirtied floor as he faded away into his nightmares, pretending that the shadows of his pain took shape of his rival, being the only source of comfort he had left.

When Dib came around he found that he had survived once more and an odd twist of relief and disappointment washed over him. It lasted only seconds as everything came crashing down. How he had watched Zim collapse and helped his enemy instead of using it to an advantage, then how he turned his back on the human race, and lastly how he had finally confessed to Zim what he had been denying for so long.

He cringed at his bloodied wrists, the dried blood pulling at his skin painfully as he moved to sit up. The house was silent, just another day he started alone, he tried to remind himself to be rational about everything had had happened to him.

If Zim didn't feel anything for him, then so be it, at least he wouldn't be alone. Making his way to the bathroom to clean off the blood and bandage his arm another thought occurred. Defect meant Zim was feeling things, could feel things. What had the Irken said to him last night? The words before had been 'on the contrary' which meant Zim must feel the opposite of what he had believed.

So why was Zim so determined to feel nothing? What was so horrible that the green-skinned teen was unable to face it. There had to be just more than his feelings for him, he had even made it sound like the Irken race had once been completely different, that something had changed them.

Now the game had changed in Dib's mind, he could get an upper hand now, just as long as he was smart during bond negotiations.

"Guess who made waaaaaaafffffffles?"

"Not now, Gir."

"Is Mastah saaaaaaad? I made waffles!" Gir jumped up onto the kitchen table. Screeching in Zim's ear about robotic dog-monkeys he left a stack full of them on a plate next to the alien's elbow, and had he not known that the little robot would have gone on a 'rampage' he just might have let the disgusting human food fall to the floor. Syrup slid down the sides like goo, and Zim's face wrinkled in disgust.

Anything that was human deserved to be destroyed. That was his purpose. Had it not been maybe he would still be at Irk, not suffering alone on a planet with a geeky goth boy and his ludicrous inventions. He laughed at them; for they were in no way comparable to his genius technology. "He'll be more than useful," he thought aloud to himself as Gir went out to the market to pick up more taco shells, "Yes, yes...And after all is done, I shall liquefy his organs!" A dark peal of laughter pervaded the room and he realized it was his.

But when a sudden pang of guilt twisted itself around his squeedilyspooch he winced, his mind fuzzy and prodding. There it was again, those..._emotions_.

Feelings, emotions, they controlled you.

Being controlled wasn't the way of a soldier. As the Tallest were exceptions; you were otherwise the conqueror.

He looked at the plate of waffles and cringed once more, he was running out of options, and time. His PAK couldn't be replaced and it was too risky to remove it for repairs until he was able to stabilize his body's molecular structure. Even one drop of water could be his undoing, there was no way to tell if his body would repair itself or deteriorate before it had a chance.

A knock on the door caught his attention; as if his life wasn't complicated enough he would be binding himself to Dib as a sign of trust in their newly formed alliance. Dib, the worm-baby who had been his enemy for years, who had fallen for him, and who he had quite possibly fallen for as well.

He hated himself for being so weak, for being so stupid, for practically confessing his feelings yesterday. Everything was just so complicated and he was losing control and Dib knew it.

"Zim?" Dib called out walking in to Zim's base the smell of waffles catching his attention as he shut the door firmly behind him.

"I'm surprised you decided to show up." Zim smirked, trying to ignore the way his squeedilyspooch was twisting at the sight of the taller teen. Why did human's think so highly of emotions?

"It's getting harder to be by myself," the human muttered softly, hiding his face as he pushed up his glasses. He needed to be around someone, _anyone_.

Forgetting he had put his disguise on before he left the lab he took a quick step out the doorway, peeking outside to make sure there were no weary onlookers. He's done all he could to make sure nobody would find him out, but obviously humanity would never see it anyways. Grabbing Dib by the collar of his trench coat he dragged him inside, slamming the door shut behind them.

Zim, in all his arrogance, stopped and pointed his head up to the sky and surveyed the poor boy. He rested the tips of his thumb and index finger along the sides of the taller boy's chin, yanking so that he could meet the depressing countenance of his ex-rival. Dark circles under his eyes, and a slumping body language that told him if he didn't find comfort soon he might as well die.

And Zim would never let Dib die, unless it were at his own hands.

"Zim..." Dib whispered softly, and the green-skinned teen wanted to punch each one of these icky feelings in their faces of…corn...lamps...corn of...faces...Boy, did he need to expand his vocabulary... English was never so difficult up until now. Dib brought a green hand to his cheek and the emerald tones contrasted with winter-white skin and Zim's mind began to short circuit.

'_I don't love him. I don't love him.  
I don't feel.  
I don't love.  
Lies!  
I'm lying to myself  
I don't. I don't. I don't._'

When the raven-haired boy brought Zim closer, it was unnerving how heated his little body got...If Dib-stink wanted the upper-hand he could have it. His vision was blurring again and he couldn't think straight. False eyes fell half lidded and the only thing he took notice was a sudden gust of warmth on thin lips, and a sense of security impaled him like a million stones.

Maybe these emotions weren't so bad, Zim found himself leaning into Dib's touch, forgetting about everything that he had been programed for and just letting himself _feel _it was terrifying and yet exhilarating. His eyes slid closed and the light teasing warmth became a heated pressure against his lips. The human was kissing him! Some very small part of his mind screamed at him to shove Dib away, but it was such a small part that Zim couldn't very well bring himself to listen to it. Suddenly, the pressure was gone and the kiss was over just before he had the chance to reciprocate it. He was longing to feel that same euphoria and Zim realized just how much danger he was in, just how easy it would be for him to become addicted to this feeling nonsense.

On the other side of things Dib was panicking, he had let his feelings get the best of him, he had sworn that he wouldn't fall victim to his impulses. He was also surprised that he was still alive after pulling such a stunt, but it had just seemed so natural, so right.

"Starting the bonding process early are we, Dib-beast?"

"I-I'm sorry!" he stuttered, turning his back away from what might have held a snarling alien. "I just thought... well, really I wasn't _thinking_, more like uh... entranced...?" The last word came out in a squeak and he struggled in his search to right the awkwardness between them.

"Let's pretend, hmm?" Zim purred, slightly stumbling over his own feet as he narrowed toward the Dib-thing. "That... I ca...caaaa...rrred... for... y-youuu.." Words were never so fucking hard to say. Emotions were hard enough to express. "That... That I l-l-looo...ved, you..." Dib's tired eyes snapped open in surprise, digging his fingernails into his collarbone prior to running his hands through his hair, smothering himself in thoughts of him and Zim... together.

"...What?" was all he could manage to say. It was one thing for Zim to actually kiss him back, but for him to actually be open about these kinds of feelings for once made his head spin.

"Shut up!" Zim sighed, shoulders bringing themselves into a slunk-like state. "I'm not done..."

"If Zim allows himself to partake into these strange earthly mating rituals... What do I get out of it, exactly?"

Dib flushed, he hadn't been expecting that from Zim. He laughed nervously now scratching at his collarbone.

"I-I don't know exactly. Maybe we should talk about what this bonding process entails." Zim narrowed his eyes at the human, frowning.

"You'll have to answer my question sometime, Dib-lit. But I suppose I could give you a free pass, this time." A wave of relief washed over Dib as he let out a breath he hadn't even realized he had been holding. "The process is simple, we exchange our loyalty vows then mark each other with our names, using our blood and claws."

"That's it?"

"I said it was a simple process, once the marks are healed we are bound together as mates for the remainder of our lives."

Dib swallowed nervously at that, "So Irkens mate for life?"

"Yes, you should be honored. You'll be property of the almighty Zim and I'll never be able to bond with another even after you are dead." There was a dark sparkle in Zim's ruby eyes as he spoke. "Do you have any other questions?"

"They're more like requests."

"You have to tell me what they are so I can consider them." Zim's expression softened.

Dib rubbed the back of his neck, feeling his ears heat up as he spoke, "I want to...to be able to _kiss_ you whenever I want. And...cuddle you...Whenever either of us feel lost...I love you..."

Zim grimaced slightly, growing closer to the human as he hung on to each word. His voice was so quiet. "And. Maybe...Maybe-"

"_Stop!_" the ruby-eyed alien interrupted, placing a hand over Dib's mouth to shut him the words off completely. His head hurt.

"I've seen enough Earth movies about these...things...you speak of. Where they touch each other like rabid bunnies. You wish to do this with Zim? The rabidness of the bunnies?"

Dib might as well crawl into a hole and die. "N-No! Not at all! I just...want to get...closer. To you, I mean.." He reached out to grip Zim's waist, suddenly pulling him down to the floor and straddling his hips. He didn't want anything really, but he missed being the stronger. Bringing them into a position where Zim was in his lap, Dib rested his chin in the middle of the smaller male's antenna.

"I just want...this..."

A soft purr escaped Zim before he could stop himself. He was enjoying this…cuddling thing.

"I suppose that I will allow things such as this, but do not expect me to shower you in much affection, if any human." He growled gaining his composure once more. "Now were there any more requests?"

"Just that you tell me the truth to any question I ask you." Dib was quick to supply, there was no way he was going to sit back without a clue and watch Zim suffer through whatever he was going. If he could help, he was going to, no matter what the cost. He felt the smaller teen shift in his arms and lean back against him, the PAK pressing against his chest uncomfortably.

"Just as long as you respect that not everything is yours to know and I don't have to answer if I don't want to. Now when do you want to have the bonding ceremony? I'll have to make preparations and get a blood sample."

"Why do you need a blood sample?"

"So that I can make sure that your blood won't kill me or vise versa." Dib began to wonder just how deep he had gotten himself.

"Uh...How could my blood kill you?"

Zim poked the human boy in several places curiously- jabbing lightly at his stomach, forehead, and arms, "Hmm... Well, your blood candies might do harm to my body at some point in time. Of course we can't have that. And Irken blood is very prone to foreign diseases."

"Diseases...I-I don't have any diseases!"

Zim raised an antenna, "Maybe not-" he ran his fingers through Dib's hair once more, "But _my_ blood is like toxin to your weak people-flesh. DNA, science blah blah blah... Zim does not wish to explain such things. Now, we must make haste, for my plans of world domination cannot be held off!" He pumped two green fists into the air, grinning widely as the power-hungry thirst returned to his eyes. Knowing he was at very high risk due to the results of his PAK scan, there, however, was no stopping his schemes to prove himself to the Tallest.

Daydreaming about being the Almighty on his home world, it was quickly broken when Dib grabbed his arm, voice raised in concern. "Are you _sure_ you want to do this? You're in bad health..."

"The Dib-stink knows not what he's talking about." He pushed away from the teen and stood stretching his back. Now that he was currently stable, he could actually get work done, as long as Dib didn't insist on more of his affectionate cuddling bullshit.

"Then what was that yesterday?"

"Something that I plan on only being a temporary setback and something you only need to know on a need to know basis. I've decided that it's something you don't need to know." Dib frowned standing and grabbing Zim's arm once more.

"Then let me look over the results again." A low string of clicks slipped through Zim's lips and his antenna lowered in annoyance. "I'm not going to like what I find am I?"

"No, you're not."


End file.
